PRIVATE SPEECH

"Popular opinion may have it down as the first sign of madness, but scientists have found that talking to yourself is good for you. People on public transport deal with travel stress by quietly humming, singing or talking to themselves "sub-audibly" so no one else could hear. Lead Researcher of Nottingham Trent University Dr. Glenn Williams likens talking to oneself to keeping a diary, a positive way of reflecting one's life"
-Reader's Digest November 2008 Ed pg 140 SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

I talk to myself everytime and sometimes even in public places (thanks to Korean dramas where the actors tend to talk to themselves to convey their feelings in certain situations). I think talking to myself helps a lot in organizing my thoughts. There were a few times when I had to make choices and decisions and I would just list everything out loud and just identify how I feel about certan issues and get some perpsective. I just need some things to be spoken out loud. Which is why I like to read out loud when I'm studying because it makes me concentrate a bit more on what I need to learn. I am an auditory person (smiles)...

And also since I left IIUM I haven't been using English that much.. (I only use English when talking to myself, evident from this blog..) When I was in IIUM I had to talk in English, especially to foreigners almost everyday. Nowadays I rarely get to speak English so it is kind of imperative that I talk to myself, if only just to use English in a daily basis.

People around me (family, coworkers, friends, ex-roommates) always remarked on my private speech. I would often laugh out loud or just be like talking to someone when they find out that I'm completely by myself. That's why I think most of them think I'm kind of cooky. But they love me anyway, hee..

But the fact is that I tell myself all my secrets. Sometimes there'd be one thought niggling at the back of my head that I know that I can't tell anyone. So I just do it in front of a mirror. Having a mirror helps when you are talking to yourself. It kind of makes you feel that someone else is there.. Weird.. It is also as the article I cited above says, a great way to destress and just put everything out so that you won't have any negative energy bottled up inside.

I love talking to myself because I love me. Who better to love you than yourself, right? And who else would have the patience to stand all your nonsencial blabberings but yourself, right?

So, why not?

So to anybody just getting to know me, don't be weirded out when I talk to myself, OK? I think I'm finished now. See you next time!!

My Name..

WARNING!! I'm going to wax lyrical about my name...

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Whilst I was driving a few weeks back I heard this question on the radio

"If you could change your name, what would it be?"

Honestly I wouldn't want any other name than mine. I think my name is who I am. It represents, well.. ME!! You won't find any other name like mine in this whole wide world. So it's unique, just like me.. It's not too long but not too short. At the same time it's not a completely weird name but not so ordinary either. This might be a bit strange but I love that my name starts with A. Although sometimes that means I had to sit in front or just be surrounded with Abduls and Ahmads (expecially in exam halls in school) or chosen to be something just because my name is at the top of the list..Despite all that I still love my name, AIMI IZYANA!! One of the reasons is because both me and Ama's names start with A, we found each other and have never let go since.. You can actually say that I feel me and Ama are kindred spirits of sorts.. Like soulmates..

It was given to me by my mother (Thanks Mama!!).. She always loved the name Aimi and she chose Izyana because she knew I was a girl and wanted me to be someone that she can be proud of (I think).. Anyway in Arab, Aimi Izyana means "Keberkatanku Perhiasan Kami".. Since a women is supposed to be perhiasan dunia. Get it? Since my two sisters' name s (Huda and Husna) both starts with H, people always asked why mine starts with I. To that I answer because I'm the oldest and I'm the precious first born. Hee...

I also googled the meaning of Aimi and found something interesting. In Japanese 愛 (ai) "love, affection" and 美 (mi) "beautiful". So Aimi is basically beautiful love. Awww...

One time, me and my sisters looked in a baby names book and found that Aimi is a version of Aimee (Latin) which is a form of Amy (french) which in turn means loved. Another aaww..

(DBSK is wondering how you feel after reading this post.. But, you were warned right?)

MAGNIFICENT 4

Illi is back from Manchester for one month. So this is kinda like a tribute to her. Thought I'd introduce my three best friends (Ama, Illi and Zinn).
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During my university days I met 3 most wonderful friends in the world. I hope we will continue to be friends forever and be with each other through ups and downs. Even if we're a thousand miles apart or on different parts of the world I know each of them will continue to be there for me and I will always be there for them too.

I met Ama one fine morning where we were taking the English Placement Test in the IIUM Matriculation Center. No surprises actually since both of our names start with "A".. (Note to self: have to thank my parents for that)... Because of our outstanding English(hee) both of us got exempted from English so we were placed in the same class.

Left: Ama with Zinn, Right: Ama with Illi

There we met Zinn. For some reason she was writing down her address and I saw that we lived in neighbouring places. So I commented on that. We quickly became friends soon after. Zinn and I were the only two girls who were exempted from English and Arabic so we had the same schedule and would take elective classes together. Honestly till this day I don't know how I got exempted from Arabic since all I did in the placement test was match somethings and filled in some blanks. Weird...

Zinn, Ama and me just before the Enginius Appreciation Nite during our final sem in the IIUM Matyriculation Center.

Ama were roommates with Illi, who so happens to be Zinn's friend. Illi ran in a different crowd (class) in matric, so at first there were just the three of us going from one end of the campus to the other. But when we entered the IIUM main camp Illi came into the picture permanently. So the magnificent 4 was born.

Illi, me, Ama and Zinn at the Petronas Tower Skybridge sometime in our first two years in IIUM.

In the first year of our course in IIUM the four of us would go everywhere together. By the second year we had to choose majors. After agonizing for weeks I chose Biotechnology and so did Illi. While Ama preferred materials and Zinn was in mechatronics. Since both me and Illi were in the same majors we were in each other's presence a lot. Illi and Ama were also destined to become each other roommates' till the very last (except one semester where we were assigned a roommate, Ama and me were roommates then) so I saw a lot of Ama and get updates from Illi now and then.

Zinn did her own thing but all four of us would take elective classes together. When we had to choose for skills calsses me and Zinn went for swimming classes while Ama and Illi opted for First Aid classes. I wouldn't say the four of us were inseparable. There were times when I didn't see Ama or Zinn for days (Illi is another different matter). But in the end we would still be laughing, shouting, eating together, telling each other's stories, secrets and in general just being friends.

I've always felt like Illi is the leader of the group. The mature one who tells us that some things are just childish. Illi is like the go-to person. Not just for us, but for everybody. Ama is the life of the group. The one that connected each of us together. You will always smile when she's around. She's got this incredible warmth and sense of humor that she automatically becomes everyone's favoutite. Zinn is the baby of the group. The youngest with a mind of her own, bent on doing things her way. Sometimes she could also be the voice of reason for us. I'm just there by some twisted fate that made me best friends with these three amazing people. It can be quite loud when we got together (especially with the combined vocal powers of me and Ama, hee). We also would have this thing where we would just be standing right smack in the middle of the way because we got carried away with whatever it was that we were discussing. Sorry people!!

This is the last picture taken with the four of us at my Aidilfitri open house in 2006.

In the last semester in the last year in IIUM, Zinn got married. Illi became an assistant lecturer and is now in Manchester, UK furthering her studies. I still contact them especially Ama. Now I have no qualms about sleeping over at Ama's place since I know there's always a place for me in her room. Haha.. But it's been a while since the four of us got together.. I miss us..

The last picture taken with Illi before she flew to Manchester.

So that's my best friends. Hope all of them continue to follow their dreams and be the best in everything. They already are the bestest friend anyone could hope for. May all of us live in each other's hearts.

I'll end this with my usual closing. Hot boys in Paris.

AidilFitri 1429 H

I woke at 5.00 am and started sending Eid messages to everyone.. I went down and saw Mama surrounded by tablecloth and laces, trying to cram in some last minute decoration for our house.

After I took my bath I realized that I had completely forgotten to put henna on my fingers the night before. So I persuaded Husna to put some on me while I wait for everyone to finish up with their preparation for Solat Sunat Aidilfitri. I only wore a simple black jubah to the masjid. As usual, we just walked to the Masjid. We were there just in time and managed to get a nice cool place to perform our prayers. During khutbah I was up to my usual habit of checking out other people's baju raya. It always amazes me how they can wear their baju raya during prayers because then after the solat the outfit will be crumpled and then because it can get a bit hot during the khutbah, you start to feel a bit stuffy and sweat. Weird..

Anyway, the khutbah ended at about 9.00 am and we made our way back home.. We changed into our raya clothes and had some breakfast (nasi impit, rendang and kuah kacang).. This year we decided not to go to the studio for the family portrait.. So, we had our session for giving "Duit Raya" and some shooting...

As usual, the first place we head to is Gombak.. Nenek is the only grandparent that we have.. Both Abah's parents are gone and I never even met my maternal grandfather.. There, we had another session of giving "Duit Raya"..

Next is Atok Mat's house.. He's Nenek's little brother and lives just a minutes' walk away.. The usual menu there would be the delicious soto..

Then, we headed to Taman Harmoni where a few of our relatives are. We wanted to visit Cik Da because we heard she was sick. Cik Da was the one who took care of me and Zaim after we got back from England. However, we keep missing her that day..

(The three Aimi's being dorky)

That night we went to Nek Long's house in Kota Damansara. Then to Tok Yep's house in Shah Alam.. And finally to Mok Yah's (Abah's little sis) also in Shah Alam.. We got back home at about 2.30am.. Phew!!

(Some pictures we took from Nek Long's house; Abah with the girls and Mama with the boys)

On the second day of Eid we went back to Nenek's house because some relatives from my maternal gradfather's side (Keluarga Jantan) were there. The meehoon hailam was delicious!!

(Me with Zaid and Zaim)

From there we went to Cik Ros's house and Nenek Salmah's; used to be referred as Istana Takeshi. I think we call it Istana Takeshi because the house sits on top of a hill and is filled with crytals. It is one of the coolest house and there are many photo op spots there. But we could only take a few pictures because we were busy looking at old photos of our mom and Nenek. The usual menu here is nasi lemak.

We went to visit our grandfather's and his parent's graves on the third day of Eid. And finally we visited Cik Da. She's doing quite well and even have grandkids now. Cik Da used to take care of me, Zaim and Huda when we were kids but had to stop because she got pregnant. I have some memories of staying at her house. She's a very sweet and caring lady.

The rest of Eid is kind of boring. Not as eventful as one might think. So as my last word, this is Tohoshinki looking sexy for their Five in The Black cover.

MY AYANG...

Today is one of my best friends' birthday. So, this is my special tribute to her.
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During my time spent in IIUM, there was one friend who went through everything with me.. Basically she was there for every major event that I went through in university. We were roommates from the first to the last semester I was in Mahallah Asma' (except for the one time when she didn't take short semester). Astiqamah @ Asti @ Qamah will forever be my Yang..

Right before our debut performance-Get Down!!

If during the days I'm always with Illi, then Qamah is my companion by night. If I was tired after studying, I would lie in her bed so that she can wake me up after I'm a bit rested. I remember one time I had fever, she was the one who took care of me. The first person (outside of my family) to do so. Since she took Law and I was an engineering student, we didn't really run in the same crowd in IIUM. But somehow her friends became mine and vice versa. I was also shown a different world than the technical I was used to my whole life.

During our trip to Pizza Hut with Kak Aini and Kak Fisya

Being her roommate is a bit adventurous because there was never a dull moment. She always had something going on (good and bad). She'd tell me her problems and I'd tell her some funny stories. We've become so close that we had each other's habits down pat. She knows how I like my food and I know that she is not a morning person. She tolerates my singing in the middle of the night even when our other roommates were complaining. Sometimes I find myself doing the thumb flicking thing that she likes to do. Qamah really understands me, which is why I'm totally comfortable with her. Also, I've learnt to appreciate more and see things in a different manner. She really helps me mature as a person. I know I've become a better friend, daughter, sister because of her. Thanks, Yang!!

A picture taken when she came to my house sometime during Eid 2007.

One thing is, I've noticed that she gets discouraged easily and have a wavering sort of self-confidence. I just wish that she saw how great and beautiful she is and how good she makes people around her feel. It's been a while since I last saw her, but we still keep in touch. I hope she'll have a great life and may all happiness be with her.

Our last picture taken together at Kak Fisya's wedding.

I know it's a bit random, but I still want to post a picture of my boys having fun at the Lotte photoshoot. I hope mine and Qamah's friendship stay as strong as ever and no matter where we are, we will always have fun and be thankful of all the good things that we have been blessed with.